How to Romanticize Your Life in Autumn and Winter
There’s something romantic in the melancholy… A melodic sort of magic that makes my fingers reach for the familiar scratch of pencil to paper in the smallest hours of the morning. There’s an urgency there, as if they need to move; they have waited all year to finally drag this hope and pain out of my body, to spell it out in enchanting graphite tendrils across a page.
I can’t imagine a more beautiful time to be alive than in November. Amidst the gloom, the rain, and Demeter’s fickle sunsets. If there was ever a time to embrace romanticism in your life, it would be in the months that end in -brrrr!
(Octobrrrr, Novembrrrr, Decembrrrrr.)
Autumn is springtime for emotions.
They sprout up around my inner world like dandelions and they shout — “Look at me, look at me!” so I look at them with love and curiosity — all of these feelings which were drowned out by the noise of summer. It’s a homecoming, a migration inward, a slow dance as leaves fall and morning dew becomes frost.
That’s the secret to painting winter with rose: to look.
Literally, look. Open your eyes and notice, wonder, appreciate, feel deeply what is right in front of you — especially what you most wish to avoid; that’s where the good stuff is.
If you do not face the uncomfortable things, you will not know what sort of comfort and grace your soul and body need from you. To romanticize is to clothe in love and tenderness; how can you show tenderness if you do not know the wound being tended?
Turn your attention inward.
As the colorful wonder of autumn settles down around you and a colder world is revealed, turn your attention inward. Ask yourself: what feeling has been tumbling around my heartspace these busy warmer months? What do I wish to do now that is not possible until the warmth of summer returns? Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the good weather times, if you love them so dearly. Feel their absence. Notice it, honor it.
And, once you’ve felt the things that are lost, look at what remains. You miss swimming at the lake with your sister? Is your sister still close by? You have her then. The part of you that grieves for what is lost is still a child, in there somewhere, and she can be delighted by something different. Is this the year you learn to build a sled and share that with your sister? If all of your summer friends are gone and the cold makes your bones ache, what flavors might winter have to offer that are best consumed in warm beverages, rather than the iced drinks of warmer seasons? Find a recipe that creates glimmers in you eyes, and get to work making it even better.
Coping with darkness at 4pm
Evenings are an odd time in the cool months; the day is done, and so are we, yet we long for a sort of gentle gathering. A campfire, a dance, a glass of wine, a couch full of only the closest and kindnest of kin… Our culture takes a lot out of us and has stolen away the sacred sort of community evening so many of us unconsciously long for.
Paint roses over the receding daylight by creating wholesome evening gatherings to suit you. Maybe one night per week, you brave the darkness and leave home to go dancing, crafting, writing, to play games with friends, to make dinner at your mother’s house.
Overcome the block around trying new things. It’ll be worth it.
If you are alone, start a new evening routine. Pull out the most accessible version of a hobby you’ve been meaning to take on. If you want to learn to knit or crochet, you can start for just a couple dollars. If you want to learn needlepoint, even the dollar stores have kits to get you started. If you want to paint, there is no better time. If you’ve been meaning to better train your pet, to write a book, to practice yoga, to watch your lover’s favorite TV show, to make cheese, to bake… winter is the time.
These things are not the monumental tasks they seem like, they only tower over you because you haven’t done them before. Once you’ve done it a time or two, it will feel as easy and natural as the things you do every day… You will have grown.
This is the season to get to know yourself. Again and again and again.
Intuition and self-awareness are not necessarily gifts a person is born with. Even highly sensitive people are not always self-aware, or are not self-aware enough to be able to help themselves… Becoming self-aware requires time and dedication. It’s a journey you take with yourself. It doesn’t have to feel like pulling teeth or dragging words that don’t feel meaningful out of your unwilling mind and into the world. You will become more aware of yourself simply by being, and being open. Anything that gives you space, a break from busyness and overwhelm, from the need to go-go-go and accomplish and do-do-do…
If you struggle to slow down and turn inward, activities that keep your hands busy and allow your mind to wander can be so helpful — especially if you approach each session with the intention to consider a certain aspect of yourself or your life, to notice your thoughts as they come and go, or to breathe more deeply as you create. Your mind will wander and you’ll forget your intention in moments, and when you do, you can gently start again. This is the process and the work… and winter is a wonderful season to get started.
Ten ways to romanticize your life this winter:
Wash dishes... mindfully.
Notice the bubbles, the smell of the soap, the weight and texture of each dish in your hands. Notice your thoughts and where they wander to as you wash. (Even if you have a dishwasher, you can hand wash a single coffee cup for yourself each day as a sort of self-care and slowing down practice.)Notice the shape of the frost.
Have you ever looked at a frozen leaf or metal railing? Frost creates unique shapes and forms; sometimes it is elegant, sometimes it is sharp and harsh. Take time to notice the different types of frost in your morning.Appreciate the texture of fabric.
So many different sorts of fabrics come out as the weather gets cooler. Will you trade your cotton sheets for fleece? Will you snuggle a fuzzy blanket in the evening hours? Do you don waffle-textured underclothes before work in the winter? Is the inside of your favorite hoodie new and soft, or has the once-smooth fabric pilled up and become a source of comfortable familiarity? Does faux fur line your coat? Is there wool in your scarf?
Feel it, really feel it all. Surround yourself with favorites, and keep it in mind as you give gifts this year.Give gifts that make people feel something.
We live in such a plastic world; one way to add some romance to your holiday season is to gift with intention — not only for what the person likes, but for things that you’ve delighted in that maybe they haven’t noticed lately. Those fabrics we talked about earlier? They’ll feel a lot more sentimental and meaningful than some piece of cold, shiny plastic. How can you give gifts that bring people into their senses?
You’re reminding them in this way that they are alive, that you recognize their humanity and you are here to share in it with them. That is a gift.Appreciate spices and flavors. Become a connoisseur of your favorites!
There are so many flavors to appreciate in the cooler months. Spices that were overwhelming in the summer are now welcome comfort. Peppermint is back in the lattes, there’s chocolate everywhere, and the smell of spiced pinecones brings a smile to the faces of people with cold cheeks and noses walking into the market.
Many spices are also full of micronutrients and other elements that help to strengthen the immune system and otherwise support the body in coping with the changing of the season and the bugs going around.Play with your hair.
The cool months are full of festivity and odd hours where you are home and its dark but you aren’t quite ready for bed. Use the uncommitted evening time to try new hairstyles and fashion something unique or awaken a personna you’ve always wanted to take on…
If it doesn’t work out, you’re off to bed anyway. If it does, you had a chance to practice before wearing it to a holiday feast or out shopping.Delight strangers. (It’s easier than you think.)
I don’t know about you, but here on the Oregon coast, seasonal depression / seasonal affective disorder is a big thing. We don’t see the sun for months at a time sometimes, and the gray cloud coverage sometimes gets this painfully bright (yet entirely dull) quality to it. It’s enough to drive anyone into pits of despair and loneliness.
In the winter, many people are seeking out glimmers — little things that light them up, that make them smile, reasons to be joyful or grateful or to feel just a little warmer on the inside. You can make eye contact with a stranger hesitating and trying to stay out of the way in the crowded grocery store, and chuckle at the chaos as if it’s your inside joke. You can wear your hair in a unique way and people will love seeing something different or even just something ordinary done with care. You can wear colors with intention and really lend your attention to creating a specific aesthetic before going out — this is fun for you, too! You can also compliment people from all walks of life on these same things, or anything you notice that is unique about them.
You’ll feel good about yourself as you do this, and it will get easier. (You’ll grow!)Revel in Christmas lights, of course!
Take your dog for a walk somewhere beautifully lit. Put on your favorite warm layers, pop in your headphones, make a hot peppermint drink, and go see the market or downtown streets all lit up and decorated. Maybe there is a holiday parade or a Christmas tree ceremony or an Empty Bowls event you could attend. (Empty Bowls is a charity that helps feed the homeless — you buy handmade pottery bowls and get them filled with delicious soup! And the proceeds go to taking care of people in your area. Look and see if there’s one where you live!)Sit in cozy lighting with a journal.
Cold weather is a time for reflection. You can journal freely or look up prompts. I have a Goodbye 20__ workbook I use every year (you can find it here in the shop). However you do it, take time to go through the months and seasons you’ve just lived and take inventory…
Notice the times you laughed, times you cried, who you were with, gifts you were given, things you hoped for, time and energy you gave, and how you feel about it all.
When you’re ready to say goodbye to the year past, you can take time to think about the year ahead as well. Infuse it with intention and decide how you want to live and grow this year, keeping in mind the lessons you’ve learned from your end of the year reflections. (I have a new year intention setting workbook as well. It’s a reader favorite! Here’s where you can find it.)Discover new artists.
One of my favorite things to do in the cool, dark months is to discover new musicians. It doesn’t have to be music though; you can find painters and crafters, Etsy jewelers, etc. Use the early evenings to go down rabbit holes of whatever art brings a little life into your days, and curate your tastes more or try something different.
When I feel the gloom getting me down, I can feel really sluggish and weary. Trying something new sounds like a massive effort, but I’m always glad I’ve done it in those moments.
If you’re not sure where to start, Jax the Bard is one I found recently on Spotify. Fairytale Fix Podcast is another good one. Check out a book of Swedish Fairytales or Greek Mythology at your local library. Search for indie singer-songwriters on YouTube and see what you can find. Try listening to French music for a change of perspective and pace. Folk music, anything to do with lore or fairytales, and anything about vikings or dragons or cruel queens always revives me from the winter blues.
Spend some time finding your sparkle and then go all out in some special way that brings it into your concrete every day reality.
I hope this list gave you some ideas and that you are able make this cozy season the most beautiful yet!
These are few of my favorite ways to romanticize the cooler days and bring warmth and love into the more isolating months of the year. Romanticizing your life is more than dissociating in rose-colored glasses. It can be done introspectively, intentionally, and in a way that nurtures compassion and awareness of the world around you and the human beings whose lives you are touching.
I hope you find some joy and peace in the months ahead.
Written with love from the Oregon coast.
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